German wife, German husband: Idea of the national character traits of the Germans. Russian wives in Germany German husband and Russian wife

Society >> Customs

“Partner” No. 12 (147) 2009

Breakfast in German, or why Russian-German marriages are fraught with danger.

Daria Boll-Palievskaya (Dusseldorf)

“Imagine, I’m here alone, no one understands me,” wrote Pushkin’s Tatyana Larina in her famous letter to Onegin.

Probably, many Russian women who married Germans could subscribe to these sad lines. Why does mutual misunderstanding between spouses often occur in Russian-German marriages? Usually in such families the husband is German and the wife is Russian. This means that it is the wife who finds herself in a cultural environment that is alien to her. After the first stages, typical for all people who find themselves abroad (admiration, then culture shock), everyday life begins. It seems that all the misadventures with the German departments are over, the language has been mastered one way or another (we will not touch on language issues, because this is a separate and very important topic), life goes on as usual. But it’s just that she’s going, as they say, in “someone else’s” turn.

Thousands of little things that a German takes for granted because he grew up with them are unfamiliar and incomprehensible to a Russian woman. And precisely because the German husband perceives the reality around him as something absolutely normal, it does not occur to him that his Russian wife should be “led” through her new life, in a figurative sense, by the hand, explaining his world, his rules of the game .

We are all characterized by the so-called “naive realism”. That is, it seems to us that in the world there are only those orders that we have established, and everyone who lives somehow differently is perceived by us either as narrow-minded or as ill-mannered people. Well, for example, in Germany it is customary to spread butter on a bun and only then put cheese or sausage on it. But an Italian would never think of buttering ciabatta bread to put salami on it. Thus, it seems to a German that an Italian is eating the “wrong” sandwich and vice versa. Or in Russia it is customary to wash dishes under water flowing from the tap (who doesn’t have dishwashers, of course), but a German will first pour a full sink of water and wash the dishes in it. For Russians, such washing dishes is a fuss in dirty water, and a German will faint, seeing how the Russians waste water. It would seem that everyday life is woven from such seemingly trifles. And these little things can ruin it and lead to quarrels.

A German husband, when meeting his wife's relatives, who introduce themselves to him by name, immediately addresses them on a first-name basis. Wife: “How can you poke my uncle, because he is 25 years older than you!” But the German acted, based on his cultural standards, absolutely correctly. If people wanted to be called “You,” they would say their last name, he argues.

The Russian wife, getting ready to go to her birthday, did not think to pack a gift. Husband: “Who gives a book just like that, without a beautiful wrapper!” Here the wife proceeds from her habits. My husband blows his nose so loudly into his handkerchief public transport that his Russian wife is blushing. After ten o'clock in the evening, a Russian wife calls German acquaintances, her husband reproaches her for bad manners. And for her this is nothing unusual. In Russia, people, one might say, just begin to live after ten in the evening, or rather hang on their phones. The husband is going to take out expensive insurance against unprofessional unfitness, but the wife does not see any point in this and insists on buying a new car. After all, we are used to living for today and do not like to think about the future. Such examples can be given endlessly.

Later, with the advent of children, conflicts related to upbringing may arise between spouses. A Russian mother prepares porridge for her baby for breakfast, her husband is horrified: “What kind of weakling is this? A healthy breakfast is yogurt and muesli! This is what a child needs!” A German husband takes his child for a walk in bad weather, without a hat or scarf. Then it’s the Russian wife’s turn to be indignant: “Do you want the child to get pneumonia?” Going to a parent meeting in kindergarten, the wife preens and puts on an elegant dress. Husband: “Why do you dress so nicely, we’re just going to kindergarten?”

How to get out of the vicious circle? Is any Russian-German marriage really doomed to divorce? Of course not. “All happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way,” wrote Leo Tolstoy. To paraphrase the classic, we can probably say that all so-called mixed Russian-German marriages are similar to each other, because they face very similar problems and experience comparable conflicts.

The difference in cultural standards, on the one hand, is fraught with particular danger, but, on the other hand, it enriches marriage, makes it interesting and unusual. Only for this we need to get rid of two extremes. Firstly, do not explain all the reasons for family troubles by the fact that one of the spouses is a foreigner. When offensive generalizations are made from the private and extended to the entire nation, this will not help the matter. If a Russian wife begs her husband to buy an expensive car, this is not a reason to declare that “all Russians are throwing money away.” And if your husband asks you to make sure that the lights are turned off in the apartment, you don’t need to tell him that “typical German stinginess” has awakened in him.

Secondly, you need to be very attentive to your cultural roots. The fact is that a husband and wife often think that they quarrel because they “do not get along in character,” yet it is their different cultures make it difficult to understand each other. So explain to your husbands why you do things the way you do. Ask them to explain their actions as well.

“Once on vacation we rented an apartment on the Baltic Sea. When the owner handed us the keys, I asked him how we should separate the garbage. When he left, my German husband laughed until he cried: “My Russian wife is puzzled by the correctness of the garbage sorting!” But I always ridiculed the pedantry of the Germans in this matter, but here I myself didn’t notice how I had adopted the rules of the game. On the same day, my husband, according to all the rules of art, grilling excellent kebabs, indignantly told me how some “Besserwisser” made a remark to him about the fact that he had parked incorrectly: “What kind of manner is this to lecture others and point out how they should live. Who cares how I park. Bourgeois!" On this day, it became especially clear to me that we had learned a lot from each other and that nothing was scary for our marriage,” my Russian friend with 15 years of marriage experience told me.

“All people are the same, only their habits are different,” said Confucius. Now, if we learn to accept the habits of another person, and not impose our own on him, and on the other hand, we agree to accept “someone else’s rules,” then the Russian-German family can become an example to follow.

I’ve been living in Germany for 20 years, and I still compare how life was “there” and how life is “here”. You compare not only life, but also people, their morals, customs, and behavior. Today I would like to compare Russians and Germans a little. We already know Russian women well, and we won’t talk much about them in this “confession.” Let's open the curtain a little and watch the German women. Who are they and how do they differ from Russian women? I looked through newspapers and magazines, and this is what I read in them about German women.

There is an opinion among Russian women that German women cannot compete with them in terms of attractiveness, taste, thriftiness, homeliness and love of comfort. They say that German women are not at all beautiful, they are cool towards children and in general - every single one of them is a feminist. Of course, German women, in their views, habits and life positions differ significantly from Russian women. Most modern German women are very reserved and conservative in fashion. They prefer convenience in everything, which is why sportswear is popular in Germany for women of all ages.

Most German women will not spend every last cent on buying branded clothing or caring for their loved ones, which is very typical for Russian women. Clothing, according to the German woman, is needed first of all, only in order to comfortably cover parts of the body from weather conditions. Practicality is their main criterion when choosing clothes. And yet, a small percentage of German women still try to look elegant.

German women do not like ostentation; even wealthy women tend to dress discreetly, so as not to stand out from the crowd, so that no one would think that they are deliberately trying to demonstrate to others their high level of wealth.

You can often see a smartly dressed older German woman riding a bicycle. For Russia, such a picture seems like a caricature, but for Germans it is quite a common occurrence. When going to the cinema, on a visit, for a walk in the park or to a cafe with friends, a German woman will most often wear her favorite jeans and a pullover.

Having married Germans, Russian girls do not adopt the manners of German women, they continue to diligently embellish themselves, which often causes puzzled looks from native German women.

Many German women do manicures and pedicures themselves; foot care salons are most often visited by older ladies. Glued and painted nails are business card immigrant women. Local residents turn to a cosmetologist only if they have their own good income and real skin problems. There are fewer and fewer solariums in Germany, because almost everyone already knows about their undeniable harm.

German women may not wear makeup and may not select clothes according to strict standards. color composition, but clean hair and a good haircut are sacred, and visiting a hairdresser once every 2 months or more often is the main component of self-care.
Living for your own pleasure is the motto of modern German girls and women. They study, get acquainted, date, travel, and almost none of them think about starting a family until they are thirty-five. Creating a family begins with an open relationship in which a couple lives for several years before deciding to get married and create a real family home. It’s a common sight in Germany - a Russian woman is walking on the playground with her grandson, and her German woman the same age is with her first-born.

Due to the desire to start a family only in adulthood, German women often remain unmarried and without children. If a woman gives birth to a child out of wedlock, no one in German society will have even a shadow of condemnation; this is a purely personal decision, and there is nothing immoral for German society in this. Standing firmly on their feet, German women boldly go through life, knowing that with the appearance or departure of a man, there will be no major shocks in their lives.
German women are not waiting to meet a handsome prince who will provide for their life, put them on a pedestal at home and solve all their everyday problems. Relationships where the partner earns much more are considered equal in Germany, because for a German woman there is nothing worse than dependence on a man. For a German woman, a partner in a relationship is not a magic wand for all troubles and problems, but a person with whom it is comfortable to live.

If a German woman started a family, then this was a thoughtful step and there will be a minimum of disagreements with her life partner, because both had time to study each other enough before getting married. It goes without saying that young spouses live separately from their parents; newlyweds living together with their parents is not at all accepted in Germany. Sometimes parents can rent out one floor in their house to a young family, but running a joint household is excluded.

German women are very practical. In the understanding of Russian people, such “practicality” is nothing more than stinginess, or at least a lack of generosity. But German women are brought up this way from childhood, so their husband’s scrupulous pragmatism is perceived as completely normal by them. If both work in the family, then each spouse will have his own bank account and each will have his own payment responsibilities. The German woman never plays passive financial role in the family. Women here earn money not only for “pins”, but also for the family.

They try to raise children in a German family to be independent individuals from childhood, but at the same time they are not spoiled at all, as Russian mothers like to do. In a German family, it is not customary to shout at children, and even a one-year-old baby is given entire lectures when he misbehaves or does something he is not supposed to do.

German women love to travel, and they do not refuse this pleasure, even with a baby in their arms. Family travel is a favorite pastime for German women during the holidays.

German women are free from inferiority complexes about their appearance. They are content with what nature has given them and do not suffer if their body parameters do not meet some fashionable standards.

German women do not see the only meaning of their lives in marriage and motherhood, do not prefer sexually aggressive fashion, and do not strive to emphasize their breasts with all their might.

A tiny percentage of German women suffer from shopaholia. They don’t spend hours choosing what to wear and how brightly to make up. They don’t wear uncomfortable but beautiful shoes on a date and don’t pretend for the sake of a man that they like football. They are not “combat ready” 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to meet “ ideal man" The German woman is not familiar with the fear of appearing in front of her boyfriend or husband without makeup, believing that makeup changes a woman beyond recognition.
Most German women associate an expensive gift from a man with the superiority of a man and an attempt to impose obligations on her to him.

You can see in Germany all sorts of German women, pretty and not so pretty, but many of them are actively involved in sports. Yes, they can be dressed very simply and not use decorative cosmetics at all, but being “fit” is valued very highly.

German ladies' fashion differs from city to city. In large southern cities such as Munich or Stuttgart you can see many brightly and elegantly dressed women. The picture changes as you move north and in towns on the coast North Sea women dress up less and less, preferring a sporty and very seasoned style, consisting of a unisex jacket, trousers and practical shoes. The exception is Hamburg, the capital of media personalities and avant-garde German fashion.

German women cannot imagine their life without work. Work is not only a way of earning money, but also a woman’s place in society, the meaning of her life, self-development and self-realization. Sitting at home and preparing dinner for your husband for a German woman is worse than any nightmare. After the birth of the child, she will look for an opportunity to go to work as quickly as possible, so as not to degrade and turn into service personnel. Often, who will look after the child is decided not only by gender (a man can also take parental leave in Germany). Almost every German woman plans her family budget. If the statistical agency asks her, how much did you spend on food or clothing this month? Most likely, she will be able to provide the exact amount.

At work, German women demand equality with men, do not tolerate discrimination, shake hands when meeting and master male professions.
Surprisingly, it was in Germany that women were hostages of the three “Cs”: “Kinder” (children), “Kueche” (kitchen), “Kirche” (church). The once hopeless role of a housewife for German women, who could not afford to study, work, participate in elections or even drive a car, launched a process of pronounced emancipation. Now a woman is a full-fledged member of society, equal to a man.

There is a saying in Germany that a Slav woman smells like pies, and a German woman smells like a calculator. Well, what can you do, such is life here, emotions often remain outside of calculations and tax papers.

Despite all the cultural, material, spiritual and physical differences between German and Russian women, both remain women. It is unlikely that a typical German woman and a typical Russian woman will become best friends, but with the advent of Russian women in Germany, the image of the German woman began to change, in some way. We must look at the world with different sides, find new ones interesting people and break stereotypes.

Knowing the laws is the responsibility of every sensible woman who is planning to marry a foreigner, and especially if she is already abroad. It is better to become familiar with the laws of the country of your future spouse before moving to the West: to clearly know not only your responsibilities, but also your civil rights.

My age (40 plus) and my personal 12-year experience of living in Germany with a West German give me, in my opinion, the moral right to try to warn Russian brides getting married abroad in advance, to advise them to seek legal help, in order to be savvy in certain issues that will subsequently be encountered in the husband’s country. You may need to obtain advice or legal assistance based on your personal, pre-existing situation. Having moved into the third stage of the struggle for equality (feminism was the second “wave”), German women and foreigners who moved to Germany at least ten years ago achieved such big victories that Russian, American or French wives may envy them (although France and the USA claim to be super-democracies). Over the past decade in Germany, for example, many printed publications in Russian, which contain answers from qualified Russian-speaking lawyers specializing in the problems of emigrants, including foreign wives of German spouses. Brochures were published in Russian, reflecting the problems of emigrants of different statuses.

Unfortunately, the Russian mentality and the common habit of Russian citizens - to save on the services of a qualified lawyer, that is, on the vitally important: personal safety and security, subsequently leads to big problems, the solution of which will require a lot of emotional and financial investments. But many problems can be avoided if you have information, clearly know and understand the law.

Russian brides leaving to get married abroad are, as a rule, illiterate in legal issues, intoxicated by a quick “victory” and extremely self-confident. Often they are the ones who face problems after marriage (especially if the question of divorce arises). However, a chain of obstacles and misunderstandings may arise already at the stage of preparation for the wedding. During my stay in Germany, I learned more than one similar story.

Among Western women (especially educated Germans), it is rare to find those who, having decided to marry a foreigner, do not first contact a lawyer or attorney specializing in international marriages.

About the marriage contract

In Russia, the marriage contract has not yet taken root; it is considered some kind of vicious deal. As a rule, it is not customary to talk about this while at the candy-bouquet stage and even before marriage. Many naively believe that nothing bad will ever happen to me. This is the Russian mentality again.

And I thought so when I left at the dawn of perestroika to live in Germany, where I later met my husband. But having lived abroad for some time, I learned a lot and today I am convinced that a marriage contract is required document upon marriage. This is especially true if you are marrying a foreigner.

No sane Western woman would get married without a prenuptial agreement. After all, this document is a vital insurance for yourself and future children.

Marriage contracts are such a common thing here in the West that there are even online samples, that is, templates of this document. But I think it’s not worth saving money to go to a consultation with a lawyer who can explain the pros and cons based on your specific situation.

Dear ladies, if the future foreign spouse resists drawing up a marriage contract in every possible way, it is worth thinking about its reliability! Because, in many countries, for example in Germany, the conclusion of this agreement between spouses is as common as brushing your teeth. By the way, German law provides for the invalidation of a marriage contract if it takes into account the interests of only one of the parties, for example. German spouse. So the law will protect you, dear ladies, the main thing is to know how to use it.

If you are already in the status of a “foreign wife”, you have had troubles in your family, but you are not yet officially divorced from your German husband and live in the same living space, know that in this case the German husband must pay for a lawyer’s consultation . This provision applies if the spouse does not work and, therefore, does not have her own income. Often, one letter from a lawyer is enough to “put in his place” a rowdy husband, an overbearing scoundrel. If a divorce is inevitable, in Germany alimony is paid not only for joint children, but also for the ex-wife, regardless of her citizenship.

This is the main difference between the consequences of divorce in Germany and Russia. In general, a Western wife (especially a German wife) is more protected by law than a Russian woman, where in the event of violence by her husband you won’t even get the police, because the operational squad does not respond to family quarrels. The Russian proverb “Darlings scold, only amuse themselves” rules here.

Some may argue that only German women or holders of German citizenship are protected by law, however, this is not the case. In Germany there is a Law on Foreigners, which regulates the rights and obligations of foreign citizens, as well as a Residence Law, which stipulates the procedure for the stay of foreign citizens in Germany, including foreign wives.

I recommend that you familiarize yourself with these laws before leaving Russia. You must clearly understand what the law regulates in relation to you. After all, for example, in Germany the termination of marriage relations during probationary period leads to the deprivation of the temporary residence permit of the foreign partner.

In Germany, the Law for Protection against Domestic Violence works well. In a critical situation, it is enough to dial the German police phone number - 110. There are shelters for women who have been subjected to domestic violence, where you can temporarily hide from the demands of your rowdy husband.

By the way, money for the maintenance of the runaway spouse (and children) is deducted from the income of her German spouse.

In short, very important information for those women who managed to have a common child with a German citizen. If a situation arises where the husband threatens to take the child away, remember that German law (unlike the legislation of France or some US states) protects the interests of the child, regardless of what nationality, citizenship, race or religious beliefs his mother is.

When marrying a foreigner, ask your lawyer the following important questions: how not to lose the right to raise a child in the event of a divorce? Is pocket money allowed by law for a non-working spouse? and does your working foreign spouse have the right not to contribute some part of the money to the family budget (both are accepted in Germany, for example)? Knowing these details will save you a lot of problems.

When tying the knot with a foreigner, you should not be guided only by the desire to change the situation or country. Even before getting married, I recommend finding out what the cost of living is for a particular country and what income your fiancé has, taking into account the fact that at first you are unlikely to have the opportunity to get a job, especially without knowing a foreign language at the required level. And it may turn out that a woman, accustomed to a certain, not the lowest standard of living in Russia, may, due to her husband’s low income, find herself abroad in significantly worse conditions.

Our Russian girls know their way around chat rooms, forums and websites very well. They clearly know where to meet foreign suitors; they are excellent at flirting and the art of seduction at resorts, catching their next victim in the net, but for some reason they forget to contact a lawyer or lawyer to get legal information regarding marriage in a particular country.

I think it is much better to prevent problems than to solve them later. Set yourself up only for the positive, but remember that no one is immune from divorce.

During my 12 years of living in Bavaria, I had the opportunity to communicate with many mixed families. I can say with confidence that, basically, these families are successful: some of them have been living in harmony for many years, and some have just begun to build their relationships. But harmony in the family of a young girl or a mature woman married to a foreigner is achieved only when she strives to “rise” to the level at which her husband is. After all, the status of a foreign spouse is determined not as in Russia, only by the presence of a lot of money, but by his position in society, mainly by profession or position.

In order to get married and feel equal to your spouse, you need to be an individual yourself.

In conclusion, I want to give some advice to women seeking to get married abroad:

Acquire a universal profession in your homeland or be prepared for further study or retraining.
Don't be lazy in your country to get additional education, which may be useful in a new country. For example, complete paid one- or two-year courses in a promising specialty for the country you want to go to. After all, Russian diplomas higher education you need to confirm it abroad, but for less qualified work, where it is easier to get a job, a secondary specialized education or skills acquired in courses, as well as knowledge of the language at the required level, is enough.
Explore foreign language in advance. Try to find a good teacher or courses. Before leaving, take grammar books, textbooks, and dictionaries with you.
Try to get a driver's license before you leave, it will be very useful to you, you will be able to move independently and not depend on your husband.
Be legally savvy, at least in matters of citizenship and family, as well as employment. Remember, ignorance of the laws does not exempt you from responsibility.

Is a Russian wife a domestic servant?

In Germany, the work of hired workers is valued and respected: nanny, cook, gardener, housekeepers, etc. Since the German state seriously protects and supports domestic staff, prices for their services have risen very significantly over the past 15 years. Therefore, most German families are increasingly taking care of the house themselves.

Taking care of the home does not fall entirely on the shoulders of the weaker sex - men most often share household responsibilities with their wives. Mowing the lawn, cooking dinner, tidying up, planting cucumbers and tomatoes, changing the baby's diapers - this, like many other things, German men even do better than women. Therefore, if you are a woman and dream of going out marry a German, know that a man will value and respect his wife and household responsibilities (except rare cases), you can share between two. In Germany there is equality in everything.

How do German families live?

Is it true that German men are tight-fisted? Yes, they know how to count money. The Germans are adherents of order and discipline, regularity and frugality. Therefore, Russian wives quite often have to deal with negative emotions husbands, if a woman allowed part of the family budget to be wasted unplanned. But the wife will never be left without such necessary trinkets in everyday life as going to the cinema and restaurants, exclusively feminine joys and pleasant gifts. German men, like Russian men, indulge their vanity.

In addition, there is probably not a single family in Germany that does not go on vacation at least once a year. And there can be no talk about forgotten children. A child will never be left without care and care. After all, a child for a man brought up in German traditions is above all else. And a child is the main thing in life, and not a burden, as we often believe.

Such qualities as reliability, responsibility and predictability are true value German men. Therefore, go out marry a German- it means that you are under reliable protection, and you can be confident in the near future.

Russian women in Germany are of great value

It is known that in Germany there are more men than women. Therefore, every woman there is worth her weight in gold. At the same time, a woman over forty is not written off as in our country. There are several contenders for each.

Add to this the fact that German women are increasingly striving to be independent. They do not plan to have a family and children, defending their freedom and devoting time only to themselves.
Therefore, German men who are looking for a quiet family haven are increasingly marrying women from other European countries.

A married woman is zealously protected by the German state. In the event of a divorce, serious payments fall on the shoulders of the man. It is impossible to get away from alimony. In addition, usually ex-husband pays his wife an increase in her pension. For a German man, divorce is acceptable only in cases of extreme necessity, when family life becomes completely unbearable. Here real women are not scattered, but valued. And they are highly valued.

Everything seems fine, and you can safely go out marry a German? Yes, that's true. But be prepared for misunderstandings. And this is not just about the fact that it is not always easy for men and women to understand each other, and not about the language barrier. It often happens that German husbands do not understand why his Russian wife acts this way, and not like a German woman, in accordance with the mentality. And for a Russian woman, some of the everyday situations in German families can be shocking. It’s good if partners have enough humor to blame everything on a bad mood. But if he expects rationality and predictability from her, and she expects money, fun and heroic deeds from her husband, most likely the marriage will not last long.

Germany without lies Tomchin Alexander B.

8.8. Marry a German?

In St. Petersburg, 25-year-old Vera met a young man from Germany via the Internet. Manfred sent her a long letter and she asked me to help her with the translation. Her fan writes that in Germany women think only about their careers, they are extremely emancipated and selfish and do not want to burden themselves with family concerns. He also accuses them of lacking honesty and loyalty. Manfred hopes: “I think that there are still real women in Russia who are not so selfish and, like me, dream of family and happiness.”

Germans are increasingly marrying foreigners. Already in every sixth marriage, one of the spouses has a foreign passport. In mixed families, the birth rate is higher, and on the street you can see many cute babies with slanted eyes or dark-skinned. It is not uncommon to meet wives from Poland and Russia. But unpretentious women from Asia and Africa are especially valued - Thais, Filipinos, etc.

Thomas, 45, from Hamburg, fell in love with a Cuban woman and explains: “We are all concerned about work, money, career, but in Cuba people value feelings. There women even move differently than here - erotically. Our women lack sensuality." In fairness, it must be admitted that German women sometimes marry dark-skinned Africans or Arabs and then address the same reproaches to their male compatriots. Marriages of this kind, however, are short-lived - passions cool down over the years.

Germans also have Russian wives. They arrive in Germany every day in the flow of tourists. What else should we export besides oil and gas? Coming to Russia, Germans are surprised at how much there is beautiful women. And our young women dress more impressively. And it's not just about appearance. In our traditions, a woman’s ability to do housework and devotion to the family. And the requests can be modest.

What is the fate of mixed couples? Nina is 28 years old, she met a German in St. Petersburg and has been dating him for 8 years. But he still has no intention of marrying her. And he explains that he is currently building a house. What if she doesn't wait any longer? “It would be a pity to lose you, but what can you do,” he replies. He would have to register his marriage with a Russian, but with his compatriots he could do without such a risk.

To marry a Russian, a German must prove that he earns enough. Some mixed couples, for 400 euros, obtain documents in Denmark, in the city of Tonder, 4 km from the border with Germany, in just 3 days. Or in Finland, there it is enough to live together for one week. This is how strict German rules can be circumvented.

If the husband is a foreigner living in Germany and does not have citizenship, then his wife will not receive a work permit there. But even if the husband is German, when meeting through an advertisement, spouses sometimes encounter pitfalls. Imagine: a Russian woman apparently married a German businessman. She came with two children to him in Germany, and his house was empty. He doesn't work, he finds furniture on the street and rummages through trash cans. Or an opposite example - a Russian bride married a rich German, the owner of a mansion, and thought that they had everything there in half. And according to the marriage contract, nothing belongs to her. He works in his office, and she must keep the huge house clean and tidy. And she feels locked in it - no friends, no communication.

Even a German husband can be deceived in his hopes. If in Germany he was considered to be of modest means, then in Russia this bride hunter is perceived as a fairy-tale prince! They knew each other by correspondence, but who wrote the letters to her? And so our long-legged beauty comes to a simple German worker. She doesn’t really want to learn German. To his amazement, she did not at all dream of working as a toilet cleaner or a packer on an assembly line. She wants to travel and dress beautifully. And chatting with friends on the phone for hours. And for some reason my husband demands to save money and always asks: “Why did you buy this?” But she knows that she needs to endure two years. And exactly two years later she suddenly doesn’t come home to spend the night, and he receives a letter from the social service demanding that he send money for her maintenance. An ordinary story! Divorced wives usually do not go home to Russia, but remain in Germany forever.

How do Germans evaluate Russian women? I have heard more than once that our women love children and home comfort, they are very beautiful, understanding, but jealous. “Compared to German women, Russian women are more domestic, you get more love from them,” says my friend Leon. The Germans believe that they are wonderful housewives, excellent cooks, hospitable, but uneconomical: they love shopping, expect gifts, flowers and full financial support. Meanwhile, in Germany they are accustomed to the equality of men and women who work together, pay for vacation together and save together. A middle-aged couple, seemingly in a close relationship, is sitting in a restaurant. She told him: “Are we paying in half?” He told her: “No need, you bought me a theater ticket yesterday.”

Russian women speak differently about Germans. When meeting, they are sometimes offended that their German partner does not give them a coat, does not open the car door, or meets them at the airport without a bouquet of flowers. Some people find Germans boring. “Everyone plans, thinks through, everything follows the rules. There is no one better than our men,” says Marina, who lives in Germany. You can hear this, but rarely - more often than not, women married to Germans are satisfied. Their husbands babysit the children, do housework, cook food, and help them more. “Our Russian men have been crushed and besides, there are not enough of them for everyone... In Germany there are many more single men who carry women in their arms, do not drink or smoke, take care of themselves and do not raise a hand to a woman,” says Oksana. “Order and confidence are important to them, not wind in the field, smoke in the field,” Vera agrees with her. – Germans rarely get divorced; they have responsibility for their family. Here, respect for family, children, women, and the elderly is brought up from childhood and is welcomed by the church.”

What is the fate of mixed couples? If women get married only to go abroad and improve their financial situation, they have a hard time. If they are looking for love and security, accept a German husband for who he is, if they have a desire to learn new things, adapt and work there, then they have a greater chance of happiness. And the most important thing for them is to study and learn the German language: relationships with their husbands, at work and with everyone around them depend on this. Many people find prosperity, a safe life, better social security, more comfort in their everyday lives and confidence in a prosperous future for their children in Germany.

Our 20-year-old friend Mathias met Svetlana from a small Russian city through correspondence. Until he married her. He likes her, but... Sveta breaks unwritten German rules. The sexuality of a woman in Germany, emphasized by clothes and makeup, indicates more about her problems than about her advantages.

A German woman will not wear a miniskirt, too transparent or revealing blouse, patterned tights or high-heeled shoes to work. Because she works there, and doesn't seduce men.

Inna, a young woman – divorced, living with her school-aged son – married Dirk and moved to live with him in a small town in southern Germany. At first she was fascinated by the wonderful nature, wonderful climate. In the ad, he wrote that he had a house, a car, and a good financial situation. It turned out that the house belongs to his parents, with whom he lives together. Now Dirk has lost his job. There are few opportunities in a small town. She found a job for herself, but a hard one - on an assembly line. When she comes home from work, she doesn’t want to tell Dirk anything. Why? He will begin to correct her German, and she wants to rest. When Inna brushes her teeth, Dirk stands behind her. And she tries to take a bath when he is not at home: water must be saved! Life turned out to be not serene, as it seemed to her at first.

However, I also know happy mixed couples who have lived together for many years and understand each other well. Most often they arise as a result of meeting each other while studying together. Jurgen, a student from the former GDR, upon graduation married a Russian student Tanya and took her to Germany. Her fate turned out well. She achieved success in raising two sons and scientific work. To do this, it was necessary to master the German language well, and this is much more difficult than many people think.

Larisa from St. Petersburg and Max from Germany studied together at the university in Germany and celebrated their wedding in St. Petersburg. Now Larisa lives with her German husband in Germany and is quite happy. She enjoys many pleasant little things there - how neatly the buses run on schedule and how obliging the people are here. Max doesn't seem so pedantic to her. Only occasionally do mutual reproaches arise: “Why can’t you learn to separate paper from food waste?” - “I can’t stand these endless Christmas visits with pies, cakes and cookies anymore!” - “Yes, we are used to saving! Is it really difficult to turn off the light when you leave the kitchen?” - “You are such a typical German!” - she screams in the heat of the moment. “Well, this is absolutely Russian,” he gets angry.

Such a marriage is a complex mixture of love and irritation. They are different, which brings them together and repels them at the same time. It is difficult to accept other people's habits and customs, and not everyone succeeds. The main thing is to learn to give in and understand each other. As, however, in any marriage.

Do German women marry our men? Happens. But much less often. How do German women rate our men? The 29-year-old native of Hamburg, who recently opened her own night bar in the center of St. Petersburg, says that our men are more attentive, gentle, more romantic and less rational than her compatriots. But at the same time, in her opinion, they want their wife to look after them at home. And this trait repels emancipated German women.

Another example is a young German woman, a female psychologist, who came to St. Petersburg University for an internship, says that Russian men show interest in her and behave very correctly with her, but she does not trust them at all. Because her colleagues – St. Petersburg residents – opened her eyes. They explained to her that all our men are interested in her precisely because she is a foreigner, and that in fact they are so kind...

From the book Great Mysteries of the Art World author Korovina Elena Anatolyevna

The flight of the baptized German, or the Mystery of the “Book of Veles” For the second century now, the world has been disturbed by the mystery of one of the most mystical books - the Old Slavonic “Book of Veles”, which tells about the rituals and magic of Slavic paganism. However, historians insist that this book is not only

From the book Rus', which was author Maksimov Albert Vasilievich

Who did Tamara marry? So, dear readers, you have just compared the chronology of events in the history of Georgia and the history of the Jurchens. They are in many ways amazingly turn out to be parallel identical. Perhaps the only thing that could cause you confusion is

From the book World history in gossip author Maria Baganova

How Mesopotamian girls got married Strabo told: “...According to a certain saying of the oracle, it became the custom of all Babylonian women to engage in sexual intercourse with foreigners, coming to some temple of Aphrodite, accompanied by many servants and a crowd of people. Each

From the book Daily life noble class in Catherine's golden age author Eliseeva Olga Igorevna

“Getting married is not a bad thing...” There were, however, also cases when respectable fathers were happy to accept any wife into the house, as long as their son got married and changed. We have already said how much preferable it was for parents to bring a bride or groom into the family

From the book Youth and the GPU (The Life and Struggle of Soviet Youth) author Solonevich Boris Lukyanovich

“Volodya is getting married.” When we appeared, Volodya was sitting at the table and stood in surprise in front of a wave of girlish attack that quickly burst into the room. Loud-voiced Tanya, our “little devil in a skirt,” beaming with joy, grabbed Volodya by the hand and dragged him to Olya. Here, Volodya, is yours

From the book Nazism and Culture [Ideology and Culture of National Socialism] by Mosse George

Joseph Goebbels Michel - the fate of a German June 3 Zaum drives me into unbearable boredom. Every printed word makes me sick. I don’t find anything in them that could make me feel better. Richard promised to help me with at least something. I can’t be rude to him. Sometimes I sit for hours in apathy,

From the book Muscovy under Ivan the Terrible through the eyes of foreigners by Fletcher Giles

Heinrich Staden Notes of a German oprichnik about Muscovy Sergei Bakhrushin From the preface to the first edition of Heinrich Staden's Notes in Russian A Westphalian by origin, by a play of fate thrown into Muscovy and recorded in the oprichnina, the author saw closely what was being described

From the book The Truth about the Great Patriotic War. The Red Army is the strongest! author Oganesyan Karen

Chapter 29 Let's overwhelm the Germans with corpses The thesis about the seven-tenfold numerical superiority of the Red Army over the Wehrmacht is necessary for the democrats and Nazis as the basis for the following conclusion: the losses of the Red Army were 7-10 times greater than the losses of the Wehrmacht. The main ideologist of this thesis

From the book People of the Forties author Zhukov Yuri Alexandrovich

Two Germans By the morning of the sixth of July, we had completed a difficult night journey through incredibly viscous black soil country roads, muddy from the rains, to the site of the new headquarters of the 1st Tank Corps. On the road, we lost the chain that helped our long-suffering pickup truck fight

From the book Noon: The Case of the Demonstration of August 25, 1968 on Red Square author Gorbanevskaya Natalya

Instead of the afterword “You can go to the square, you dare to go to the square” (“Russian Thought” No. 3479, August 25, 1983) Fifteen years later - what new could I tell about the demonstration? Even in order to restore its exact picture now, I would have to turn to me

From the book Books on Fire. The story of the endless destruction of libraries author Polastron Lucien

The Middle Ages and how to get out of them “The library is the true treasure of a monastery, which without it is like a kitchen without pots.” However, many generations and crazy vicissitudes will have to replace each other for this formulation to appear, which, however, very soon

From the book Cossacks [Traditions, customs, culture (a brief guide to a real Cossack)] author Kashkarov Andrey Petrovich

To get married on the Day of the Intercession Holy Mother of God pray and after the prayer say: “Holy Pokrovonka, cover my head, even with an old rag, just so as not to remain

From the book The Miscalculation of Anton Denikin and Simon Petliura, or what happened in Kyiv on August 31, 1919 author Kravtsevich-Rozhnetsky Vladimir

“Two Germans” and the fate of the capital By 16.00 Kravs’s car was already turning onto Duma Square, and his convoy was clearing the way to the front entrance. And suddenly, as if on command, the heads of everyone standing in the square turned at once towards Institutskaya Street. Along it towards Khreshchatyk

From the Alekseevs' book author Balashov Stepan Stepanovich

Tisa gets married After finishing 7 years of school in 1928, Tisa went to work. At first I decided to go somewhere in the clerical part, after a while I decided to follow the accounting path and got a job as a bookkeeper wages to the accounting department, it seems, Leningradskaya

From the book Sex at the Dawn of Civilization [The evolution of human sexuality from prehistoric times to the present day] by Geta Casilda

From the book Daughters of Dagestan author Gadzhiev Bulach Imadutdinovich